Expendables: Spoiler-Free Review

A few years ago, if you'd have told anyone that a movie would star Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolf Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger alongside UFC legend Randy Couture and WWF/E icon Steve Austin, you'd have their laughter echoing till today. That's a very long sentence.

You don't get long sentences in The Expendables, though, just all those names and more.

I'll get it out of the way early: I really, really liked the movie. It's not Terminator 2 or Iron Man or Avatar, but it doesn't suffer from the stupid plots, poor acting or cheesy effects that seem to haunt more recent films (Last Airbender and Twilight, I'm looking at you, from what I hear). Story follows a group of mercenaries (The Expendables) as they go about their daily business, as you may. Nothing ground-breaking, and somewhat predictable.

But I'd much rather predictable than stupid, and the movie's predictability is somewhat offset by the sheer awesomeness of the cast. It reeks of awesomeness. I haven't even mentioned Charisma Carpenter (Buffy!) and Eric Roberts, brother of slightly more famous Julia. Fans of Heroes would recognize him straight away, Mister Villain, you.

Lots of blood and bullets, with a body count that I'm sure exceeds a couple of hundred. A few of the sequences are reminiscent of something out of Time Crisis, but I for one feel that it's done well. No chaingun from Predator or T2 though.

Arnie and Bruce Willis don't stay on screen too long, but the scene that they do share (with Stallone) is brilliant. Won't spoil it for you, but one line in particular drew a fantastic reaction from the whole theatre. Jason Statham seems to have perfected his character from The Transporter so much that he now carries it with him wherever he goes, and while that might usually be a crutch, it fits really well here. Just substitute the car for a bike. Jet Li, for me though, was really fantastic. I actually had a discussion with friends about how I liked Jet Li more than other Asian actors because he was serious and stylish, but here he made me laugh harder than Jackie Chan ever has. Randy Couture's performance is also commendable, though playing an ex-wrestler tough guy isn't too far from the truth. Steve Austin plays a big bad enforcer type of fellow, and again, it's a role he's played more than once and so does it well. And you just know that the two of them have to get it on. And Mickey Rourke still has his highlights from Iron Man 2, it looks like.

Ensemble casts don't always work though (Manchester City will testify), but it does here. Mainly because they stick to a simple formula and don't try to sell the whole package as anything it isn't. The Expendables isn't trying to touch you or move you emotionally, unless it's invoking a nostalgic, ironic smile, but it delivers magnificently as a movie about a group of good guys going after a bunch of bad guys. Nothing too complicated, and with more than enough bits that make you go "Oooh".

Probably wouldn't watch it again, but more than happy I did watch it at all.

Probably...

I'd say it was better than Predators, which I liked, but not nearly as good as Inception, which was brilliant. Hard to give a number to it, but I'd recommend The Expendables to anyone who's ever enjoyed an action movie.