For most my life I've been able to fall asleep rather easily, and am usually a rather good morning person. Lately though, it's taken a long time to go to sleep.
Of course, it's by choice.
"Worth losing sleep over"
That's what someone said. I guess she was right, in more ways than one.
Normally, I'm against bias, striving for something impartial and fair and just. Lately, though, I've been talking to someone a lot and that someone keeps saying I'm biased.
They point to the fact that I seem to tolerate certain things that I normally wouldn't, and then triumphantly exclaim, with much aplomb, that such an overwhelming bias seems to be demonstrated by your truly. But that's just it, I think. Embracing someone in spite of all the things you normally wouldn't.
Maybe I am supremely biased, but so what? That's just the thing. Isn't that what love is?
The best kind of bias.
Sometimes it feels like we're as close as two people can be, closer than anything or anyone anywhere and anytime. When I'm holding you, hand-in-hand, face in your hair.
Other times it feels like you're a million miles away. And it's those times that I realize how much I want you, when I'd walk those miles to be with you.
It's said that you make your own luck, and detractors of Manchester United will be pointing to the fortune of the Red Devils as they came away with a 3-1 win at Old Trafford against a distinctly uninspired Spurs earlier today. Two penalties sent United back to the summit of the Premier League, but unlike the controversy that surrounded the one won by Michael Carrick at White Hart Lane earlier this season, the brace that Ryan Giggs dispatched were as clear as any in recent memory.
After a lackluster first half, characterized more by Wilson Palacious' poor performance than anything else, United fans may have been worried. Missing the mercurial Wayne Rooney, the home side lined up 4-5-1, with Dimitar Berbatov spearheading the team's attack against the side that brought him to English football. The lanky Bulgarian has been criticized from nearly all corners since he signed for Sir Alex Ferguson's side, with many claiming his "languid" approach did not gel with the quick style that United so enjoy. Rooney himself seems a much better alternative, certainly, and few would argue against it. Carlos Tevez seemed liked a better choice as well, and his form for the blue half of Manchester suggests that perhaps United would have been better off spending a significant chunk of Cristiano Ronaldo's transfer fee on retaining the tenacious Argentine rather than keep faith in the striker who seems a mere shadow of Eric Cantona.
Tevez, and probably Rooney, for the matter, would not have been able to find Patrice Evra with a delicate backheel after holding off an opposing defender, winning the penalty that lead to the opening goal, however. Indeed, Wayne Rooney's biggest weakness is perhaps his temperament and after a frustrating 45 minutes, he probably would have swung wildly at the ball (or a defender) stuck under his feet. Granted, Rooney's attitude has improved at least as much as his finishing, but the flak that Berbatov receives is overwhelming at the best of times, and it is unfair to expect the same kind of performances he enjoyed at Spurs and Leverkusen when he is now played alone upfront against teams set out to defend. An accomplished performance from the Bulgarian against a team who can be genuinely considered a "Top Four Side".
Much of the hype before the game surrounded the sensational form of Gareth Bale, touted by some as the next Ryan Giggs. Comparisons to the Welsh legend are inevitable, one supposes, seeing as how both share so many attributes. Still, on the day, the senior Welshman scored twice, leading his team to victory, while Bale had his hands full shackling Antonio Valencia, who went off injured.
Another United casualty, Patrice Evra, appeared to be suffering from illness rather than injury, with the commentators joking that his retching on the field was in part due to the introduction of a returning Aaron Lennon. But the best reactions on the night were reserved, deservedly, for Nani's delicate chip for United's second goal after being put through by young Macheda, impressing during his short cameo appearance. The Italian, alongside United's other substitutions, bringing on John O'Shea as well as Michael Carrick, demonstrated a strength in depth that just about every club in the division would envy. Harry Redknapp, on the other hand, was forced to shuffle his players around, and saw his side concede almost immediately after taking off Jermaine Defoe, arguably their best striker. The introduction of Chelsea old boy Eidur Gudjohnsen did little to affect the course of the game, though, with Nemaja Vidic's timely interception in particular nullifying the Icelandic forward's contribution. Tom Huddlestone, David Bentley and Luka Modric especially were surprisingly disappointing as well, and so was Roman Pavlyuchenko, though after the Russia's shocking misses against Chelsea last time out one wonders if that was to be expected. With all of Tottenham's attacking flair, it took a combination of a determined leap from their captain Ledley King – and poor positioning from Rafael Da Silva – to bag a goal, albeit from a set piece.
Ultimately, the result may have boiled down to a series of errors from an underperforming Tottenham side rather than a rampant Red Devils. The scoreline did not flatter the home side, yet they did not play particularly well. United and their fans will be delighted with the result against a side in top form. Denying the men from London a famous hat-trick of wins against the big sides, the Red Devils now need to maintain their form, and their fortune, and hope that the other Londeners throw their league aspirations away.
I can still remember my first day as a UB student.
Walked into that big-ass lecture theatre, sat myself down. Picked the second-last seat in the row, since it was both convenient and not as standoff-ish as plonking yourself down in the very last seat and giving everyone reason to avoid saying "excuse me" on the first day of school, bright and early.
Saw an army buddy, in those Oakleys that I had too (I got them first!). Looked around again.
Quirky-looking girl shuffled in, pushing her glasses up her nose nervously. Pointed at the empty seat.
"Eh-eh-excuse me. But can I sit here?"
I stifled a chuckle, her huge black plastic rims and checkered shirt settling down as well.
Couple hours later, I was outside the freezing room, lining up for free coffee (remember those?), and that quiet girl was cursing like a drunken sailor together with this white girl with loud eyeshadow.
Spent the first few months around the same group of people that the seniors made us run around Orchard with, and to this day it's some of these people who remain some of my most favorite persons. Some I don't talk to or see as much as I'd like, but maybe that will change. Maybe. Some of them shower in four minutes and have an obsession with Pokemon. Others work themselves up into a frantic frenzy about a possibly wrongly-answered question in a Math test, only to ace it, deeming it "OK lah."
Met a few other people quite soon after. Guy with a spandex fetish. Another funky girl with short hair. The business fella. Atas one.
Some time later, grew close to a few others. The one on vacation from Taiwan, with whom things have sometimes been tenuous. He can remember that Vitamin C deficiency leads to scurvy. And come up with an almost encyclopedic amount of written material on command, it seems.
There was a year or so where I tolerated some questionable characters and behavior from certain individuals, though that finally stopped. Some say it should have happened sooner, others say I was stupid to begin with. They're all probably right.
Finally got to know the girl with flappy ears, the innocent short one, and that foul-mouthed White Girl from earlier, who by now was happily attached (and perpetually… attached) to Mr. Spandex. Also people like the celebrity from Chestnut Drive, Captain Cap, the Family Man, the one with the Joker-smile, a Minah, Guiza, Headphone Girl, Baking Girl, Madame President, Orange Pants, Purple Hair. Good times.
Awesome times.
Laughing, football, random outings, projects, pretending to study.
Huddled at Lido late in the evening with Flappy and Shorty, sighing as they tried to make me feel better about things. Crash course in stats, Mortal Kombat with White Girl at West Coast. Driving back and watching the sun set in the distance.
McDonald's breakfasts and introduction to ice cream cakes with the chart-topper from Chestnut Drive. Wonder if she still scribbles, and if she can park yet.
A whole lot of nonsense, usually involving music and singing and acting like an idiot, with Captain Cap and Family Man. I won't forget what you got me to do at Fish & Co. Or the A1 boyband antics. Garlic Naan in Kembangan.
Talking about so many things with Joker Smile dude and his Liquid Designer. DotA, United and Liverpool, NS, people, life. Late night French Fries with Cap'n Cap and Family Man in Chinatown.
LAN sessions with many of them. Ownage and being owned. Terrorists, Zombies, Scouts, Creeps.
Deal with that Minah, so she'd stop smacking me. But she still does, from time to time. Prata and KFC suppers.
Heckload of time with Guiza, not only because of the craptastic amount of work and classes we got dumped together in. Joined by Headphone Girl, with many stupidly late nights spent trying to start studying. Failing but not caring most times.
Brownies and burgers and lollipops and CDs and plastic straw constructions from Baking Girl.
Madame President sat down with me in the smelly canteen, asked me to do something I didn't originally believe in. Convinced me I could and should do it. I don't regret it, and it's perhaps something that really defined the way my time went, and for that I'm thankful and honored. She still owes me dinner.
Crazy talk with Orange Pants. Late night train rides with her red-eyed and wobbly, laughing, people watching us uneasily. Silly quack.
Inside jokes and 80's music with Purple Hair. Mythbusters, Toto, Roti John, b.o.b., Attenborough, black holes, quantum physics, Friends.
Friends.
That's what I remember, look back fondly at, when looking at the past few years. Haven't mentioned everyone. Not nearly. Not even close.
Past few days have been spectacular, actually. Filled with things I didn't expect, couldn't have asked for. You. With me. Here.
Nothing earth-shattering or world-changing, I think, but still. Spectacular to me, because it just is.
Everything brings back memories, but now better ones are being forged.
Surprises and quiet walks, cheery rain and closeness. Face in your hair.
C'mere. Sorry 'bout tickling your neck.
Everyone is stupid from time to time. Some have flashes of inspired stupidity more often than others, and there are those who seem to be perpetually mired in its depths. I'm sorry I'm stupid.
My turn. Drop everything and run to me. It'll work. I promise.
I recently read about how some believe love is when you care about someone or something more than caring about yourself.
Another one was that love was something that opened a chamber of your heart to happiness and pain, lots of both, but when you feel that the pain is worth it all.
Someone asked about happiness, if one would sacrifice his or hers to avoid misery. But can you be not miserable if you aren't happy? But can you be happy and miserable at the same time?
Questions, abstract thoughts, all without any resolution, it seems. But I love you, you make me happy and sad. And it's worth it.
Another long day.
So close to touch but yet so far
And night full of thoughts.
With leaves and stars and walks all week
It's hard, I say.
It seems no matter where you are
Doing what you ought.
With just a smile my knees go weak
You ask what's wrong.
It's bittersweet with ups and down
Under that tree.
The midnight talks and long rides home
Been there all along.
With you the smiles are all around
And always I've seen.
But in the end I'm still alone
"Eye level"
And she rose up from the seat shaped like a tree stump, planting herself on the similarly-decorated table. For a moment she said nothing more, eyes flashing under the moonlight, the amber glow of the streetlamps casting a yellow haze on the night. The breeze snaked through the quiet buildings, lending a coolness to the warm evening. A wisp of hair, unruly and disobedient, fell across her eyes and she flicked it over a bare shoulder.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Doing good?"
"Mhmm."
"Thanks for tonight."
"You don't have to thank me. I like nights like this."
"I like the company."
A smile, and then mirrored an instant later. Looking away after a long heartbeat, before his gaze trailed back. Absently reaching. A Beatles classic as a group of strangers walked past in the distance, their laughter echoing that of the midnight pair under the leaves and stars. Staring.
"We should be getting back."
"In a minute."
And so the minute passed, and two pairs of footsteps moved through the gloom. Hands reaching for each other in the quiet, over imagined obstacles.
"We could… stay."
"No, no we can't. Time to get back to the real world."
"This is the real world to me. This is more real than anything else."
"Don't."
"It's true."
"I know. I just don't know what it is you see. I don't understand."
"And that's just one more thing to add to the list of things I love about you."
"Stop -"
"Hammertime?"
Laughter once more. They stepped around dirt and debris, watching for cars and hidden steps. Arms around one another, silent except for the sighs.
"Thank you."
"I told you, you didn't have to thank me."
"You gave me a night where I couldn't stop smiling. For that I can't thank you enough."
Another smile, matched once more. Hair in his face.
"Let's go."
"Mhmm."
An embrace.
"Good night."
Been a strange couple of weeks, to say the least. With work piling up, the last thing anyone needs is more stuff on their plate.
But here it is. Quite suddenly, unexpectedly, irresistibly. Just like you.
I love it. I love everything that's going on and hate it all the same.
Questions have been raised, whispers and doubts. Concerns of if's and should's and thoughts of how things may have been different. About being selfish or sneaky, long phone calls and big hugs and silly smiles. Movies and bread. Holding you.
How's it going to end? I want you for myself. All of you.
Normally I'm against posts that do nothing but announce to the world what you want for your birthday, but mine is still a ways away, and I'm just killing time anyway. Here goes.
Football every week, with the people I've been playing with. All of them
Electric shaver, one of those nice ones
Louder, clearer earphones and your taste in great songs.
Ice cream with you.
Cash, lots of it so I could get you what you wanted.
Irritating people to go away and for you to be here.
All and everything I want, no matter the cost
To know sign language
A new shirt. Purple, maybe like the one you like.
You and only you.
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