A Blight For Sore Guys

With the somewhat recent popularity of Facebook and previously Friendster, ICQ and mIRC, the internet has allowed us the opotunity to meet and mingle without actually having to meet and mingle. Hold up, this isn't your average essay/article on the pros and cons of the web; it's merely an above average critique of the con-men who act all spiderish on it.

Hello hottie...

Nice figure!

We should hang out and chill sometime soon.

Hey, can I get to know you?

There is something deeply disturbing about an individual who continually sends suggestive messages such as these to girls over the internet. Of course, I've failed to mention that this same dude is supposedly happily married (proudly displaying a picture of him and his wife on his profile page) while attempting to "get to know" these younger girls.

They're way out of his league anyway.

Firstly, all guys are in some way frisky. Gatal. Friendly. I admit (have been accused of) it. Others around me have been as well.

But at least we have the decency to not address complete strangers with the poser attitude of being an ultra cool pimp daddy.

That being said, there is one rather large example that I know of. I have actually taken a look at his friendster profile (or can get to it quickly) and he fits the bill perfectly. He must have married a completely illiterate and oblivious girl, for it seems she puts up with his crap like a dog with a master with a penchant for swift kicks to the ribs.

To you nice girls reading this (and the not-so-nice who I still call nice simply for being here), let me tell you how a guy's brain works.

He wakes up in the morning, replaying the highlights of a dream that contains either sex, violence, sports, or a combination of the three. He then takes a shower, still groggy, wondering about the girls he is going to meet that day and how to best impress them. Upon contact with the girls, he turns on the charm, to varying effects.

Most guys will be rewarded with smiles and girlish titters, laughter and the occasional friendly punch on the shoulder.

Other, more dashing ones like myself would fare slightly better.

There are also those who would view courtship like the way frogs and other amphibians and lower life-forms do.

If you try hard enough, with enough people, long enough, you're bound to score.

So while it's always nice to be friendly and responsive, actually replying to someone who says...

Hey there, you look hot!

...with a "friendly thank you" is actually the equivalent of a OHMAHGAWDIWANJOO to these sort of guys.

Trust me on this.

Now that we're all clear on that issue, I'll go back to my focal point, Big Daddy Drool. Here we have a prime example of the kind of guy you do not reply to on MSN, Friendster, Facebook or anywhere else for that matter. In fact, if he was the sole male survivor and the future of the human race depended on the dispersal of his seed among ther emaining women, I hope those ladies turn girl-on-girl really quick and enjoy what little time they have.

I have a strong urge to take a screenshot of the messages he sends to people I know, send it to his wife who is also conveniently registered on the service. Oh, the joys of the internet.