Mars & Venus

Many of us have seen how a peacock struts around during mating season, or how frogs croak and hippos attempt to gore each other with oversized mandibles. We all know what they are aiming for; a mate. Are we any different? Some people might think humans are above such predictable behaviour, but on closer inspection, one might be able to see why modern Man has always been classed as an animal. There are several different beliefs that both the male and female human employ, although there are a few ideals and scripts common between the two sides.

Nearly every relationship starts off with a first date. It is the primary concern of a multitude of adolescents and young adults all around the world. A simple meeting of two individuals for a meal or movie can turn out to be the most stressful event in a youngster’s hormone-charged life. The first date can quite often be the first instance where the contrast between male and females is observed. Females quite often spend hours fretting over every miniscule detail of their appearance, from the fall of their hair to the hue of their shoulders in any particular light before their first official “date” with a boy they like. Men, on the other hand, are quite often nonchalant, perhaps buying flowers on the way to picking the girl up from her place of residence. Prior to the event, it is also widely expected for the male to be the one initiating the date, with many fawning damsels being left heartbroken due to the ignorance of this “simple law” that so many males apparently fail to comprehend.

As a relationship progresses, more examples of the differences in how males and females are supposed to act appear. One has known many males who avoid any serious commitments for fear of burning a hole in their wallet. Similarly, several female acquaintances are more than happy to be part of a relationship for the financial arrangements that society expects out of the typical boy-girl relationship. Like a male bowerbird, the boys and men in most relationships are expected to bestow their significant others with gifts and presents, though twigs and berries rarely impress the average lady in this day and age. The afore-mentioned “law” that the male should be the one deciding what to do, where to do it and when to do it is also carried over to the latter stages of a relationship, and many females in this day and age who still subscribe to this school of thought find themselves feeling rather chagrined when the males (again) fail to live up to these expectations.

These differences in beliefs and the seemingly universal acceptance of these practices have been challenged in recent times, however. An increasing number of females have begun “taking charge” of relationships. Be it making the “first move” on a guy or deciding to watch Music & Lyrics over Spiderman, the traditional perception of a passive female in the process of human courtship is being, if it has not already been, overturned. Conversely, many men in this day and age are more than willing to accept a partner that takes charge of a relationship, without feeling that their masculinity is being challenged in any way. Even when the female half of a relationship does not appear to starting to “take over”, many relationships see the norms of old being absolved; couples regularly “go Dutch” instead of having the male collect the bill, or compromise being the common outcome in many situations that may have been decided by the males in years gone by.

It can also be said that males and females usually go into relationships with contrasting long-term goals and expectations. Male animals usually aim to copulate with as many females as possible, and this may correlate to the general consensus that many men go into relationships with almost no plans for long-term commitment. Females, on the other hand, habitually look to find the best mate possible and sticking to him, hence the general trend of women wanting to settle down with a man, something that so profoundly terrifies a male’s understanding of courtship. One remembers an instance whereby a male friend had been seeing a girl for a number of weeks before being introduced to her close friends. Upon this meeting, the first question presented to the astounded youth was “When are you going to marry her?” Such tales are not all that rare, and simply provide poignant examples of the differences in the expectations that males and females have going into relationships, even at a young age. An often-repeated tale of two friends meeting outside a fancy restaurant goes something like this; the first man asks his friend who he has brought to the expensive eatery. The answer he is given astounds him, and he asks his friend, flabbergasted, “Haven’t you already shagged her?” and when an affirmation of that query is voiced, he then asks a third question, “Then why are you still spending money on her?”

Courtship rituals and beliefs do indeed vary between the male and female members of our species, influenced heavily by society and culture. Still, many similarities and differences are indeed evident and prevalent throughout the world in this respect. Girls all over the world scheme against each other to charm the popular hunk, and boys snicker amongst themselves at tales of their exploits and escapades with those very same girls. As apt as the analogies of alpha males and antler-wrestling are, the same can be said with increasing frequency of female spiders killing their inferior mates and queen bees being the absolute centre of a hive. While it can be said that Man has come a long way from their club-a-cavewoman-over-the-head roots, so much is still “standardized”, including their similarities and differences.