Lost in Translation

Today, I found another thing I find obscenely annoying. Not even the inconsiderate pricks who bring their mangy dogs and let them frolic about in the water and fornicate metres away from a group of sunburnt friends waiting to spring a surprise party on an unsuspecting other friend.

Have you ever watched, listened to or read something translated in another language, and wonder if the so called interpretor was a complete and utter mental retard? Now, I don't aim to belittle these "special" people, but it's just so idiotic.

I was sitting on my arse, watching the television a few moments ago. Flipping channels. Laughing at Chelsea. Wondering what the big deal was about Flight Plan. Muttering that no-one can watch 300 with me. Realising that the episode of CSI playing then had been aired seven times this week already. Then it happened.

A three-minute or so promo about the "hit" "new" "horror" "movie" The Haunted School. It's ironic that I was just talking to someone today about all-time great horror flicks, from Ju-On to Host. But this one, well...

I won't pass judgement on the movie for now, or ever, unless something dramatic like a gunman ordering me to watch a cheesy Chinese movie happens. But let me say this:

Way to go to promote a movie, morons.

As far as movie promos go, they usually follow the generic trend of flashing "key scenes" and interviewing the cast and crew, allowing the audeince a sneak peak into how the movie was made and what we might expect from it. This movie, of course, is a Chinese one. I've seen Chinese movies before. I love the original Kung Fu Hustle. The version dubbed in English is just too stupid, for lack of a better word.

Back to The Haunted School, the promo did fall into the typical fashion of movie promos. Key scenes, interviews. In Chinese. With convenient English subtitles.

"I enjoyed filming the show. The atmosphere was very horror."

"I think it was very difficult, it was a scary place and there was terror."

"I think our audience will enjoy the show because it's a young person problem and there was horror."

Alright, I may be a little nitpicky. But this is supposed to be a promo for a new movie, and this promo was airing on an English Cable TV station during Prime Time. Other than broadcasting to the world that the producers of the show are in dire need of pre-school grammar and vocabulary lessons, I don't know what more was acheived. I don't blame the director or the cast interviewed. They probably didn't do their own subtitles. But whoever did deserves to be shot. And then shot again.

The whole thing was even stupider than a friend of mine claiming that the rising tide at the beach was directly attributed to the increasing number of swimmers that had taken it upon themselves to enter the ocean. This friend is going on to become an engineer. In the future, if you should happen upon a report about a tragic accident involving an engineer's miscalculation of tidal influences, you know, and I know, who that engineer was. He also said there was a Muppet named Hermit.

But back to the point of all this, yes. Translation can be difficult and tricky, at best. For the Malay-speaking readers, take a moment and directly translate a popular English song to Malay and then try not to laugh too hard. Films such as Mighty Joe Young and Miami Vice needed titles that were nowhere near what their English counterparts were meant to be.

Oh well, not much I can do about it really, I guess. It's not as if The Haunted School has lost a potential member of the audience. I'll leave you with this witty exchange that illustrates the trials and tribulations of the art of translation.

"I must agree, whom in the morning a very strong criterion. "

"What does that even mean?"

"You are not a wood gentleman-lower of moron the specialist of semi final. I achieve English better each day now."

"Was that an insult? I don't even know. "

"No not no I wanted to say to insult you whole! Afflicted please. I like to be here, my English will obtain each day, me better know onlybasic at this time but me learn quickly. It is good here to be ."

"Sounds like you're using google translator. That things awesome for nonsensical and quite funny insults. "

"Thank you, this goes back to me lucky and queer. I must hour to leave the tribune and to go to the base before job, but I estimate you a lot and the hopes to turn tomorrow!! "

That wasn't even from Borat.