Wrong Number

So here I am, sitting in front of my nice Sony Vaio with its faded "ASDQWE" buttons, trying to finish my write-up of Barack Obama's speech a while back. It's due tomorrow, and I need to be very optimistic to say I'm halfway through. Yet, I found myself clicking link after link ofrandom videos, starting with Obama's appearance on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, which soon led to, among other things, a rather obnoxious video of Uwe Boll all but begging anyone to start a "Pro-Uwe Boll" petition and another video of a few people playing rugby only to be anally probed by the unwelcome finger of an opponent.

Here's where my phone rings.

Now, it's not an exaggeration to say that everytime I look at my cellphone a little part of me dies as I envision myself wrestling with its user-unfriendly format and annoying strap. A phone is a phone, but this has got to be one Nokia that I'd like to trade in.

As the generic tone beeps, bleeps and chimes and the little black and red casing vibrates with all the energy of a newborn caterpillar, I think to myself, "Didn't you just call me less than five minutes ago? I'm trying to do my last minute work here." A private number, so I assumed that the girlfriend was calling me from the home of her pudgy little tuition kid. But I was wrong.

So wrong.

(Cue dramatic music)

As I answered the call ("picked up the phone" wouldn't be exactly accurate here, though I did have to physically lift it to my face), an unfamiliar voice greeted me like some disembodied soul sent to haunt a stranger. Only... this one was speaking something that sounded like English, but like it was being spoken by one of those weird Japanese people who are forced to read random English words on a game show, or else they'd be electrocuted.

"Hah...lo! Yoooo tock Chy-neese?"

"Err... what?"

"Ni shang sheh moh?"

"Wrong number."

"Ha?"

"Wrong number."

"Oh."

"..."

"Hello?"

"Wei?"

Here is where my patience runs out and I terminate the call. I swear, if there is a way to punch someone in the ear via a cellphone, I'd do it.

But back to my paper, I still need more than 2 pages to be safe.

My phone is ringing again.