Rumpled Sheets

Staring across my checkered sheets, blanket thrown back over a strage lump which I assume is a collection of socks and books, I see the door of my room. And find myself wondering about things.

People change all the time. Be it for good or bad, change is the only constant in this big party we call life. I remember my first day at school when I was in Primary 1, Secondary 1, JC 1 and now here. Add the "school" on Tekong, and I've had my fair share of first day changes, which are usually some of the most traumatic someone can have.

Sometimes you don't realise how big a change something really is until you're on the verge of making it. Then it hits you, like a truck in the chest. Shit, really? Yeah.

You catch your breath, your heart skips a beat. But not the feel-good kind of heart-skipping breath-catching. It's more along the lines of fear and hesitation, confusion and depression perhaps. So you call off your decision, like how you've postponed everything.

And you sit alone, silent except for the incessant cackling of the air-conditioning, wondering.

Wondering about the consequences of going through with something you're so afraid to do. Wondering if it's all one big ungly mistake. But when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, you're faced with but the illusion of choice. Hobson's choice.

We all make decisions, but in the end, our decisions make us.

I haven't made mine yet.

What does that say?