Critical Thinking

I got a new cordless phone a few days ago.

I hate it.

Firstly, it's rather bulky, angular, white. Unlike my older, sleeker one which I could spin around and envision it being a lightsabre. It also sounds like the person on the other end of the call is talking to you from behind a wall of sand. And is suffering from a bout of hiccups.

But most importantly, this new model seems to have lost one of the features I liked best about my old phone (and really, most phones in this day and age); the ability to key in the numbers before "picking up" the phone. It just bugs me that this newer phone lacks such a straightforward yet useful ability that its predecessor exhibited with such utter simplicity. Some people just fail to think. Like the new Facebook, you know? It was great the way it was. Now, rubbish. I can't even find my feckin' wall.

I was writing some garbage today on a pilfered sheet of A4 paper, something about Plato and Aristotle in school, during an exam. The exam itself was "OK", as I told someone, who proceeded to reveal to me with not a small amount of glee that I was the only one with such a positive prognosis of the paper. After reiterating that my dedfinition of "OK" merely meant that it was not a 100% chance of sure-failure, he then agreed with my assessment.

But as I was in the midst of my prose, I happened to notice one girl who I don't know (and never bothered to know/remember) stand up and stride puposefully to the front of the theatre to thrust her sheet of papyrus at the instructor, who was expectant in every sense of the word. Of course, people finish exams early all the time (well, not all the time, only early... you can't finish an exam early, late...). I found myself staring at the wood panels that made up our Grand Hall after roughly 20 minutes during my Health Psychology paper, scheduled for two hours.

But I've always believed that if you're going to enter an exam hall, and be the first to hand in your paper, you have to either be A) very good, B) sure you're going to fail, or C) stupid. The name of today's class was Critical Thinking.

This girl, after handing in her paper, spun sharply on her heel, like some uptight ballerina missing a tutu and slippers, and stormed out of the class. I was sure she was proud of herself, or at least happy to have the week over with. But then the instructor mentioned she had, in all her nimble brilliance, seen it fit to totally not do a whole section of the paper (this is where you circle option C). Of course, the girl had already left, and was destined to the doom of a crappy grade.

Or was she???

Not five minutes later, as most of us were still wondering how Evian promotes nudity, the girl returned, miraculously. And asked for her paper back as she realised she had so cleverly failed to complete the afore-mentioned section (I believe it was arguments and premises).

Now... unlike some past instructors, the one we had today is not an idiot by any stretch of the imagination. Sure, she has a funny accent and is a feminist and sometimes exudes a weird sense of humor, but she isn't a moron. But she was sure as hell looking one in the eye!

"How did you know you did not do one part?"

"My friend messaged me."

"But no one has left the room except you."


"..."

"So she used her cell phone, during an examination? I would like to speak with you and your friend."

Dictionary.com lists "sabotage" as a "treacherous action", among other things. Think about it, for just one quick, hilarious moment. You walk out of an examination, and suddenly return because you forgot something? And then you say, to the instructor (and in front of everyone) that someone messaged you with this vital bit of information?

As Jonno said:

Hahahahahahahahaahhahaahahahaahaahahahaahahahaahhahahah!

This single event ranks up there, no, surpasses "It was my friend who doesn't work there anymore" as the stupidest, most idiotic, staggeringly moronic, blindingly brainless AND stab-your-friend-in-the-back-in-front-of-her-face moves I have ever seen. Even "I suddenly remembered" would have been so much better.

Seriously.

It took all of my willpower to keep from rolling on the dusty carpeting in rapturous laughter and glee after witnessing such a historic act of profound treason.

Ah.

Critical thinking, how I love thee. All the more that you are so rare among people nowadays.