Monday, April 05, 2010

That Hocus Pocus

Been a strange couple of weeks, to say the least. With work piling up, the last thing anyone needs is more stuff on their plate.

But here it is. Quite suddenly, unexpectedly, irresistibly. Just like you.

I love it. I love everything that's going on and hate it all the same.

Questions have been raised, whispers and doubts. Concerns of if's and should's and thoughts of how things may have been different. About being selfish or sneaky, long phone calls and big hugs and silly smiles. Movies and bread. Holding you.

How's it going to end? I want you for myself. All of you.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Wishlist

Normally I'm against posts that do nothing but announce to the world what you want for your birthday, but mine is still a ways away, and I'm just killing time anyway. Here goes.

Football every week, with the people I've been playing with. All of them

Electric shaver, one of those nice ones

Louder, clearer earphones and your taste in great songs.

Ice cream with you.

Cash, lots of it so I could get you what you wanted.

Irritating people to go away and for you to be here.

All and everything I want, no matter the cost

To know sign language

A new shirt. Purple, maybe like the one you like.

You and only you.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Bittersweet

What do you do when the thing that makes you happiest also makes you sad?

"I miss you."

"Don't."

"Too late."

"That could be something from a movie."

"You're the star even if that movie's never shot."

Starry Starry Night

A long, long day.

Started and ended almost magically, with time seeming to vanish and stars appearing in the purple skies.

Walking along, the view was stunning, and that was before I even looked up at the clouds.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Distractions

Ton of work to do. Things to write and review, edit and compile.

Yet I find my attention fixated on things anything but academic. Losing sleep, long moments in silence, echoing laughter punctuated by knowing smiles.

Honesty has always been something I've advocated, believed in, practiced. It can be scary sometimes, I'm told, but then in those times I find myself realizing that there is little need to be anything but totally truthful, baring it all with nothing to hide. Frighteningly so, but then lately there have been a few uncommon labels being cast about.

Is that so wrong?

Sinister romantic.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

The Fool

Exam in less than half an hour, and my mind is filled with a vision, but not the neurology kind that is being tested.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Tragic Relief

"If it's any consolation, you already make me happy."

"Then I now have a reason to smile tonight."

Another time and place.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

While You Were Sleeping

I think you're sleeping.

I hope you sleep well, and that when you wakr up, you feel better.

Because like I've been telling you all this time, you're someone who means alot to me, more than anything or anyone.

And there's a reason for that, many reasons.

But i've told you all of them already, yet I feel you still don't know.

I'm here, if you ever feel that you need anything.

Pensive

Been a whirlwind past couple of days, so far. Pizza and teriyaki too, which is always good, but food aside it's been eventful, if without mention. Things have happened which weren't expected or planned or envisioned, and while matters aren't at their best states - as far as I'm concerned - they could be much, much, worse.

Makes me wonder though, if that's even an acceptable attitude. Should I be settle for a result that leaves things just ok?

A few people said recently, and I do agree that, everyone is entitled to pursue their own happiness.

I'd like to think that too, though often times you have to think about things beyond your own world and life.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Joke

Sometimes when I try and be serious, when I'm more serious than I've ever been, people don't get it.

Not everything is a joke, and sometimes what I've already said what I wanted, though maybe it isn't what I should have.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Oh The Movie Never Ends

Someone dear to me said recently that I should write a book or movie, seeing as how I am "full of cheesy lines". While I'm sure (or I hope) that it was meant as a friendly compliment, often times I wonder about things to do with things like that.

Vague, I know.

Alot of things going on now, if it were to be made a movie, the plot would be so convoluted I wouldn't know where to begin.

Probably with the simple question of "How are you?"

Something quite often overlooked, but a question that can mean and reveal so much, both in the manner of asking and answering.

Quite a few people around me facing one problem or another in their own little movies nowadays. Issues with space and time, problems unsaid and unspoken, melancholy vibes, stress and anxiety.

Sometimes I feel like the things I tend to wrest with in my head aren't all that serious, seeming trivial when compared to how others are. I can smile, laugh, joke that "that's what she said" and go off on ice-cream and cookie adventures, yet some say I've become broody. Tsk. I hate party-poopers.

I catch myself from time to time in the midst of doing something I know isn't smart or right or both. Yet I keep on going back to it, knowing it won't end well and that it's all for naught. Why? I tell myself that I need to stop, to forget it, to get past this thing. Then it happens again, every day.

I ask questions and dodge others, offer advice but don't take my own. What the hell am I doing?

How are you, really, really?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Fore!

About a year ago, I wrote a little something about Manchester United thoroughly whipping the boys of the Emirates. This time, though, the old enemy managed to rally and romp to a thumping win over Porto, and without their talismanic captain Cesc Fabregas.

Like their bitter rivals, United also faced a recent winner of the European Cup in an aging AC Milan, though most will agree that the difference in quality between the Rossoneri and the Dragoes are plain to see. Brilliantly-named forward Hulk notwithstanding, I'd bet that most fans will agree that the Italians are a much sterner test. Yes, Arsenal had to come from behind, but it was their own doing anyway.

Anyway.

The big story going into the mouthwatering tie at Old Trafford was the return of icon David Beckham, of course. Disappointingly, perhaps, he only made a short cameo at near the end of the fixture, and that when it seemed academic. He did, however, provide Milan with perhaps their best chances; a quite stunning volley and a teasing cross which Inzaghi contrived to miss from inside the six-yard box.

In the end, as was expected, Wayne Rooney saw that the Red Devils were headed (pun, see!) to the quarter-finals, and as so aptly pointed out by others before me, it is telling that among all the comparisons to another former United number 7, the expensively-assembled side from Madrid were knocked out by another team they pried a starlet from with the promise of success and wealth. Ronaldo, Kaka, Benzema and friends will be watching from the stands, I'm sure, when the showpiece final is held at the Bernabeu in a couple of months.

As far as the actual match went, much praise has been heaped on both Sir Alex Ferguson and Park Ji-Sung. I refuse to say Ji-Sung Park, or, as a certain "pundit" calls him, Sun Ji Park, obviously mixing him up with Sun Ji Hai, his former team mate at Man City. And he gets paid to talk like that?

Anyway.

Wily veteran, cagey old war dog, crazy Scot. We all have our own nicknames for the United gaffer, but at Old Trafford and pit against relative newcomer Leonardo, he showed why he has put so much faith in his Korean midfielder. Throughout the entire 90 minutes, I don't think Pirlo got more than one through ball to assist in a decent attacking move. How Leonardo must have wished he was back on the pitch to match his dazzling talents against the likes of what has been a shaky United back-line.

Yet the United defence held firm, in no small part thanks to the non-contribution of "The Hunter" Klas-Jan Huntelaar. If this was anything to go by, he might be hunting for a new club soon enough. Fans of Liverpool berate Dirk Kuyt's tendency to shoot straight at the 'keeper when presented with a chance (though it trickles in for some reason), but at least the pseudo-winger manages to get a few chances on target. His Dutch counterpart, unwanted by an aforementioned Spanish giant, did less than Berbatov, and the laid-back Bulgarian only came on in the second half, with United comfortable.

Gary Neville and young deputy Rafael both did superbly, and I now (and have been) question those who called the Brazilian's earlier showing against Milan troubled. I though he coped well against Ronaldinho, who was another non-factor this time. Evra as always was dependable, providing solid cover and an attacking thrust down the left to compliment the ever-surprising Nani. Vidic and Ferdinand, for so long mainstays and mammoths in the United backline, nullified the three-pronged attack of the opposition. Hopefully (for United fans) they can both stay fit and avoid suspensions.

But Pato and Nesta were missing, detractors of United cry. True. But they both played in the reverse fixture, and United won that one. And United were without Wes Brown, Anderson, Ryan Giggs, Owen Hargreaves, Michael Owen and Michael Carrick.

And still brushed aside a team that is oozing with talent, despite the fact that most of them are fast-approaching the time where one considers his pension.

In a season where Wayne Rooney seems to be carrying the burden of launching United towards the goal of domestic and European success, one would be wise to take a close look at what the whole team is capable of, when Sir Alex gets his thinking cap straight. A back four shutting out a two-time Player of the Year. A midfield able to be steely and stylish at the same time, using pace, power or panache when the situation calls for it. And a forward which opponents have called the best in the world, complete, and awesome.

Four-nil.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Attics

Say you're at the door of a burning building, on the verge of collapse. Before you lie three rooms, each equidistant from where you stand, and each holding one individual. From where you are, you can see clearly who is in which room. You have only enough time, courage, strength and luck to run in and save ONE person. What do you do?

1. Save your elderly mother, who has raised you and showered you with love since infancy
2. Save a young, enterprising, aspiring scientist who has recently announced that he has formulated a cure for cancer, HIV, SARS and herpes. This cure is cheap, readily available and proven to work for everyone. Unfortunately, there is no copy of this miracle cure save for what is in his mind.
3. Save a newborn baby, who is otherwise healthy and unrelated to you
4. Watch, recording and post it on YouTube
5. Flee!

Go.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

A Hard Drive

I've always been a computer addict or junkie, whatever you want to call it. I remember messing around on an ancient piece of equipment back when I stayed at Jalan Punai, when you still had to type win to get to Windows. 3.1.

That was quite epic.

This is actually the first laptop I've owned, though I did have a desktop before that. Many people don't exactly approve of the Sony Vaio, but it's served me well enough for the last three years or so, broken letter "E" aside. But then the hard disk died on me.

I was, of course, gutted. Losing all my music, including the stuff from Boyce Avenue and Norwegian Recycling was bone-crunchingly annoying, and right now my collection is still in the single digits. Piracy, yay.

I also lost every school assignment that I've compiled and worked on the past few years. Research papers, videos, presentations, designs, recordings, essays, articles, lists, spreadsheets, documents. Argh.

Photos are alright, I guess, with the advent of Facebook. Everything is online anyway, so they're easily replaced.

No real video games of note other than Team Fortress 2 and Football Manager 2010. The first has already been replaced, thankfully, but the latter's savegame is a lost cause. Alas, my heroics with Darlington will go to waste.

But thinking about everything that's gone now, I realize that among the comics and MP3's and movies and documents and viruses, I've lost something that is truly dear and irreplaceable to me. A long, long, time ago (or what seemed it), someone very special to me made me something. As far as I know, there's only the one (soft) copy of that thing.

Or there was.

Gone now, damneth.

Friday, February 05, 2010

Got a Feeling

Went to bed last night before ten, was tired and drained.

Kept waking up every hour or so, for no reason in particular, all through the night.

Dropped my phone after trying to turn off the alarm, though I was already obviously awake.

Heard the same Black Eyed Peas song four times within fifteen minutes before 8am.

Fell asleep in class and was noticed by the teacher, who was kind enough to put forth a question that was answerable anyway.

Got caught in a massive traffic jam at 10am.

Came home to unappetizing leftovers, though not of any fault of the cook.

And it isn't even lunch-time yet, sigh.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Number Two

Second month of 2010 already, damn time flies.

Seems that alot is happening very very quickly to me and those around me, some of which are good and some of which not so fantastic. Looks like time will tell how it all plays out.

Right now I just want to lie down and switch off my brain.

Monday, February 01, 2010

Arsenal 1-3 Man Utd: Spoiler Free!

And they said it was going to be Arsenal's year.

For all the hype of the potential of Wenger's young squad, the mercurial maturation of Fabregas, the talismanic trickery of Arshavin or the pulsating pace of Walcott, the team that once earned the tag of "the Invincibles" failed spectacularly in living up to the labels and legacies of their predecessors.

"Gunners out-gunned" will be a much-repeated headline all over Britain and other Premier League-crazy areas like here in Singapore as the fallout of the match at the Emirates begins to take hold. And it will be a stunningly accurate summary of the meeting between two of European football's longest-serving and most successful managers, between the teams that have long boasted the most attractive football in the League.

Many Arsenal fans will cry out and be quick to remind others that their squad was missing their regular goal-machine Robin Van Persie, nursing an injury. Still, for a team gunning (pun intended) for top honors to rely so much on an injury-prone striker is distressing, to say the least. Critics may argue, though, that the Red Devils are guilty of the same crime, but one will point out that the United No. 10 is much more robust than the somewhat-fragile Dutchman.

Brazilian-born Croat Eduardo was also missing for Arsenal, of course, which definitely would have contributed to Arsenal's lack of bite upfront. Prudent observers, however, will realize that United were also missing the first-choice pairing at the back of Ferdinand and Vidic, arguably one of the best partnerships in Europe over the last few years. Other casualties to injury of late, Thomas Vermaelen and Gael Clichy, featured instead for the Gunners and while Vermaelen bagged a superb consolation for his seventh goal in a stellar debut season, Clichy was found wanting yet again, as he was against Ashely Young mid-week. Given Ashley Cole's and Kieran Gibbs' past misfortunes against Man Utd, it was perhaps inevitable. And when the only other replacements that Wenger had at his disposal were the aged Sol Campbell and Mikael Silvestre, problems are aplenty.

Manchester United's defence has long been the subject of both praise and scrutiny, often at the same time. With Gary Neville, Ferdinand and Vidic missing for large parts of the past year or more, the burden of responsibility has been laid on what many consider to be the unproven shoulders of Johnny Evans, Wes Brown and the Da Silva twins, Rafael and Fabio. Evans had a decent game for the most part, with a couple of errors that went unpunished as well as excellent interventions on several occasions, one fine tackle in particular that stopped Theo Walcott as the forward looked to use his pace to deadly effect. Rafael again proved every bit the Brazilian that he is, surging forward to aid United's attacking cause, and showing an enthusiasm that at times bordered on the reckless. In time, his defensive awareness should improve, and playing alongside the excellent Patrice Evra will not hurt him in the very least. Wes Brown, though, appears set to follow the footsteps of Phil Neville, Nicky Butt and Louis Saha; established and perhaps international players who are unable to hold down a place in the United first team due to a lack form, fitness, ability or the combination of the three. So often touted as an exciting prospect in defence, he is not the youngster he was so very long ago, and the purchase of Chris Smalling and the emergence of Ritchie De Laet alongside the Da Silva twins will not bode well for him.

For much of January, attention has been placed on off-the-field matters for the big names in the Premier League: American debt and unpaid wages, one-finger salutes and hurled coins, roving England captains and sulking Brazilian wingers. The match itself, though, was a thrilling contest (unless you are an Arsenal fan) filled with end-to-end action and somewhat surprisingly, only one caution. It is perhaps a testament to the professionalism and respect that the two teams and managers have for each other that the days of air-borne pasta and incidents of assault against Jose Antonio Reyes are as long-gone as the spats between Roy Keane and Patrick Viera.

It may have been wise, though, for Arsenal to have looked at their former captain. Perhaps more so than any other instance in the past, Fabregas proved that while he may stroke the ball better than anyone else in the Premier League, he lacks the leadership that Viera and then Henry provided on the pitch. Hailed and renown for his ability to turn a match on its head for the club he captains, he was left a spectator for the most part, often reduced to pot shots from distance, and never really troubled Edwin Van Der Sar and unable to influence the game in any sense. True enough, he has many years to develop that part of his game, but in a world where immediate prizes are valued over intagible potential, one questions if that is a worthy excuse. Andrei Arshavin, however, proved a constant thorn in United's side, though his attacking thrust was aided in no small part by the forward-thinking mindset of marker Rafael Da Silva. Even the Russian, however, was unable to come anywhere close to the astronomical heights he has so often reached during his time with the Gunners and he was thwarted time and again by the iron curtain of the makeshift United backline.

A good defence might give you a chance to win games, but to actually win you need a good attack, and United put on a clinic for Wenger, so long an advocate of free-flowing attacking football. Wayne Rooney, in the form of his life, hounded the entire Arsenal team like a man possessed, taking his goal expertly in the week that Ruud Van Nistelrooy opted for the Bundesliga rather than a return to the Premier League. There are many calls for Rooney to take over the England captaincy from a certain overly-friendly John Terry, and displays like this, combining pace, precision and passion show just why he seems to be destined for that mantle and more. Nani appears to have finally stepped out from the shadow of compatriot Cristiano Ronaldo, shedding his much-maligned persona of the Portugese who does little but acrobatics upon the rare goal and more often when tackled. If you would have told the average United fan a month ago that Nani would be instrumental in three wins in little over a week, he would have laughed in your face. A Man-of-the-Match performance against the old enemies from North London showed just how much improved he is. Michael Carrick, together with a vintage Paul Scholes display and the ever-improving Darren Fletcher effectively dictated the pace of the game, matching and surpassing their opponent's skill, strength and stamina.

During this pivotal juncture of the Premier League, Arsene Wenger's squad must now find a way to turn things around as they look to meet Chelsea and then Liverpool in the coming weeks. Sir Alex Ferguson on the other hand, sees his United side (and Wayne Rooney in particular) hitting fine form in the new year, as they always have. There is a whole lot of football to be played yet, but judging from Sunday, Wenger's boys have some growing up to do and Ferguson's men have begun to find their feet this season.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

A Thousand Miles

I should have been in New York now.

Technically speaking, of course, I wasn't denied entry. But then I'm still waiting for an answer from the US Embassy.

Some people tell me that it worked out for the best. That this way, I can go on with the things that are happening with my life. Most of them the same people who were trying so hard to convince me that a semester-long exchange program is an opportunity of a lifetime.

Meh.

Alot of things pissing me of royally right about now.

People acting stupidly, and my cat just pulled my keyboard off the table.

Meh.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Stuck

I haven't posted anything here for ages.

I'm not entirely sure why, just keep getting caught up with other things or distracted or maybe haven't really gotten into the mood yet.

Hrm.